Real Control Versus Fake Control

Feeling overwhelmed and like your life is out of control? Let me show you what real control looks like, now. Stay with me. Hello. I’m Skylar Acamesis, one of the directors at PandoraStar. This video’s about you taking control of your life. So, control’s a tricky one, and most people, even the ones that look like they have it, feel like they lack it inside their life. So, we’re going to talk about the difference between fake control and real control, to start off with. Real control is when you actually face life’s challenges and you grow and you mature in order to be able to meet those challenges in a good way. It’s learning how to apologize, learning how to make amends for bad behaviour, learning how to stand up for yourself, learning how to become financially mature, emotionally mature, spiritually mature and then how to keep that up once you’ve learned it because knowing is just the first step. And then, literally how to grow it so that you’re able to do it better every time that you do it. The first time that you show emotional maturity it might be really hard for you, and your tone of voice might be all over the place. You might sound angry instead of compassionate. You might really resent the person despite the fact that you’re saying the right words. The idea is that with practice over time you’ll get real control. You’ll actually understand deep down that when something goes wrong, the best thing for you is to admit what’s gone on. Right? Not just for the other person. So, real control really comes from understanding that when you grow through challenges you become what you’re capable of being. You become who you really are, and it’s not people forcing you or pushing their way onto you, or making you think the way that they think, it’s actually you realizing that there are things in life that are worth mastering. It’s pretty much four areas in life that are worth mastering. Your relationships, your finances, your physical health, and your emotional health. So, all those different areas are the ones that are really worth focusing on being able to get good levels of control. Now, fake control is where it gets interesting. You know you’ve got fake control when you have an exam the next day and all you want to do is clean your bedroom or go to the takeout shop, or you want to hoover the house, or you know, you’re controlling or micromanaging your girlfriend, or your boyfriend, or you won’t let anyone else touch your stuff, and you’re really upset about somebody having moved a chair in the living room or someone having taken your pen. Control gets transferred to objects and to our stuff, and to the people that we’re in relationships with when we feel like we don’t have it. Okay? So, real control is when you step up to the challenge and you’re learning how to overcome it, despite the fact that you’re going to fail a few times, and fake control is when you decide you’re not even going to attempt that. You’re not going to attempt becoming a better student or a better husband or wife, or, you know, have better health. You’re going to avoid it entirely and you’re going to focus on things that don’t matter, like making sure you get the right kind of takeout food, or not opening your mail, or really making sure that you avoid relationships altogether. That is fake control. It feels good for a wee while because it feels like you have control, when you don’t. And then, the part of your life that you actually never had control of spirals out of control completely, and then you’re left out of control in both areas. And that’s why control is something that’s really worth having, is that when you actually do have it in the right area of your life, that control will then literally span out and give you more discipline, more action muscles, more virtues, I suppose, in every other area of your life that you apply. The tide raises all the ships. So, if you think about a tide coming in and lifting all the boats in the harbour, every single control thing that you learn, it lifts every single other person in your life with you. Whenever your discipline muscles increase, whenever your strength muscles increase, whenever your action muscles increase, whenever your compassion muscles increase, then everyone in your life is lifted, and that habit will lift all of your other habits, because that one habit, getting control in one area of your life, will increase your self-esteem. And your higher self-esteem will benefit every other area of your life. The next thing we’re going to talk about is the transference of fake control, which we touched upon briefly. We’re going to talk about how you might not want someone to borrow your pen or touch your camera or really go into your room or tidy up things for you. You might not want people to help you. That’s another kind of fake control. We transfer the need to control instead of learn how to collaborate with other people onto controlling our stuff or our things or doing things ourselves. Now, to get to a higher level of control, you have to learn collaboration. You have to learn to work with others. If you look at, in nature, all the cells divide inside the body for an embryo to become a baby. All the cells divide inside a seed for a seed to become an oak tree. And the same thing inside a company. It starts with one person, then it becomes four, then it becomes five, then it becomes 20. So, nature is wired to increase and to multiply, and for that to happen, the different cells have to work together. And it’s the same thing with humans. The different humans have to learn to work together. So, this feeling that you want to do everything on your own, and that you get control by doing things on your own, is just fake control. It’s an illusion. You get real control when you know how to collaborate with other people. When you know how to overcome challenges in your work relationships with other people, too, and so you know that you can actually do work that lifts you both up at the same time. Nature supports humans, projects, plants, that lift all organisms with it. Everybody benefits many different bacteria, many different ecosystems. Every plant benefits many different animals. Every company benefits every community. And that’s the idea that as you mature from self-awareness to complete self-actualization, you really realize that who you are should benefit the community as well. Then, we’re looking at strengthening the take action muscle, and the say no muscle. Another big reason that people say that they’re out of control is that they don’t understand how much hard work one commitment is going to take, and they over-commit themselves. They’re into people-pleasing and they just say, “Yes,” to lots of things, but they haven’t realized how much energy and effort one project is going to take. And before they realize it, they don’t have one website, they have four. They don’t have one email list, they have three. They don’t have one social media account, they have six. And then instead of building one area and doing it properly, they feel overwhelmed, or out of control, and they give up on that area altogether. So, learning how to say, “No,” is a really important part of taking control of your life, and getting your priorities straight is a vital part of saying, “No.” So, learning that your priorities are your self-care, your family, your self, you know, and you know your biggest project at this moment in time. So you should give every project that you want to see to completion three months to see it to completion. Not a weekend. Not a week. Not a fortnight. Three months. Every new project that you take on, you literally take your pen, draw in your calendar, nice, bright — I use pink, of course, or not — a nice bright red pen and pencil out time in your calendar for that project. Every day, for the next six to three months. And you’re going to start seeing these amazing results because you’ve actually committed to seeing something through. So, real control doesn’t just come from starting a project. It comes from completing a project and from working on a project. Most people think, “Oh,” you know, “Real control comes from just starting a project,” and they get the feel of the freshness of the wind on their face, fulfilling their divine life purpose, but then they don’t keep going and do the hard work and then they never complete it. So, it’s really important to really pencil that time out in your calendar and say, again, “This is the time for starting.” So, starting means opening all the accounts you have to open, setting up all the passwords, setting up all the bank accounts, creating the right team, doing all the design concepts, agreeing on what you’re doing. It’s all the pre-work that comes before the actual hard work of actually implementing all the systems, all the tools, all the marketing, all the sales. Then at the end when you complete it, the completion comes with a launch. Whenever you finish something, you have to be ready to share it with the world. Whether it’s the fact that you’ve gutted your house from top to bottom or whether it’s the fact that you’ve taken control in a new job, or that you’re taking your relationship to the next level and deciding to get married, the completion with a project comes with the idea of launching it and sharing it with your community into the world. As I said, part of control is self-care. If you’d like to know more about how to use PandoraStar to take control and implement self-care into your regime, click the link below. If you like this video, please don’t forget to subscribe, and please feel free to ask questions below, and we’ll answer you as soon as we can. Thank you so much for watching.